Generally, when we talk about protecting youth from substance use we think about Middle School, Junior High, and High School students. We usually focus on this population specifically, because research tells us that these students are the ones having to make decisions about if they should or shouldn’t use substances. Today’s protective factor though is going to focus on young children between the ages of birth – 6 years old.
This month we are going to focus on the protective factor of understanding self and others’ emotions. Remember, a protective factor is a factor present in a child’s life that makes it less likely they will use substances. I feel like learning to understand emotions of ourselves and others is something that we spend our entire lives doing, but it is also something that begins very early in life. Just like many of the other protective factors we have talked about this is a skill that needs to be taught, learned, and practiced in order for a child to be able to apply the skill in everyday life. I’m sure you can think of someone in your own life who perhaps struggles with understanding others’ emotions. Think about how that lack of empathy and understanding can make their life harder. It is crucial to be able to understand our own and others’ emotions to work with a group, have healthy relationships, and develop friendships. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when people who struggle with emotional understanding also struggle with these areas.
As I said earlier, understanding self and others’ emotions is something that we work on our entire lives, but it begins in our early childhood years. By taking the time to explicitly teach our young children this skill and help them develop the skill as they grow we are able to prepare them for situations and relationships they will have later in life. So how do we do this? How do we teach our children to understand their own and others emotions. Let’s start with self. If you’ve ever been around young children for an extended period of time, you have most likely seen some kind of tantrum or emotional breakdown. Oftentimes, when children are this young that is because they do not know how to express their emotions in any other way, so they resort to what they do know which may include kicking, yelling, crying, or screaming. The best thing we can do for children when they are beginning to deal with emotions is to teach them how to verbalize what they are feeling. They know they are feeling overwhelmed, however they don’t know the word for it. So, we can ask our children what they are feeling, listen to what they have to say, then help give them the words to explain the emotion. This might go something life:
Parent- “Can you tell me what your feeling?”
Child- “I am trying to zip my jacket, but it won’t zip!”
Parent- “I understand, you are getting frustrated because you are having trouble getting your jacket zipped. Can you say frustrated?”
Child- “Frustrated.”
Parent- “Now, let’s try this repeat after me– ‘Mommy, I am frustrated because I can’t zip my jacket, can you help?’
Child- “Mommy, I am frustrated because I can’t zip my jacket, can you help?”
Parent- “Well sure! I would be happy to help.”
This may seem silly, and I know that in the rush of parenting it would be easier to just zip the jacket and not have this whole conversation, however it is important that we teach our kids how to verbalize what they are feeling so they can learn to express their emotions in a healthy manner. When it comes to humans, emotions will be expressed one way or another, but it is up to us as parents and caregivers to guide our children to express their emotions in a way that is healthy and meaningful.
Next, let’s talk about understanding others’ emotions. This can perhaps be more challenging for children at a young age. However, we know from Piaget’s stages of child development that this is completely normal. Children tend to be egocentric while they are in the preoperational stage (ages 2-7). This is a natural part of development, so it is extra important for us to begin working with children in this stage to understand the emotions of others. You may need to start by teaching your child the words for emotions like sad, mad, angry, happy, etc. Then you could even use picture cards and have the child practice what emotion is being shown on various faces. This helps them learn to associate body language and facial expressions with emotions, which is an important part of learning how to understand others’ emotions. As your child grows a little older, I encourage you to look for teachable moments in life. For example, a few weeks ago we were at the store and there was a child near the toy isle that was very loudly crying and yelling at his grandmother. My child immediately looked at me wide-eyed and asked why that child was yelling like that. I responded to my child with a question, “What do you think that child was feeling that was causing them to act that way?” He immediately responded with “I bet he wanted a toy and his grandma said no.” Our conversation then continued and I asked my child to recall a time he had felt that same way. He did, then we talked about what you should do in that situation and how would be the appropriate way to express your emotions. This is a small example, however it is a real situation that happened in our lives that I was able to use as a ‘teachable moment’ to talk to my son and help him understand another child’s emotions. These conversations don’t have to be fancy, however as long as we continue to have them we are helping our children learn and practice the skill of understanding others’ emotions.
This topic is such an important one, and I feel as this blog has only scratched the surface. If you have a young child, I encourage you to do your research and learn all you can to help your child understand their own and others’ emotions. I am including some links that may help you get started in your research.
How to help kids understand and manage their emotions (apa.org)
How to Teach Kids About Emotions | Psychology Today
How to Help Your Kid Understand and Express Emotions | Psych Central